Riding the Line Between Courage and Chaos

I quit my job as a Partner in a global consulting firm. I took a month-long nap, joined the board of a nonprofit I’m passionate about, started a project that truly feels like my life’s work, went to Disney World, and now, I’m only taking on work that brings me energy.

Sounds incredible, right? Sign me up.

Half the time, I can’t believe this is my life. I can’t believe that Marc and I created this opportunity for me to explore what’s next with as much freedom as I have right now.

I thought I had it all planned out. It took me six months to make the decision to leave Credera, and I told my leaders in April of last year. Another seven months passed before I actually walked out the door—because closing a chapter I had invested so much in deserved that level of care. I had time. The business plan was written. Custom domain secured. Microsoft Office set up. A website built. And then, on the other side of it all, I felt this strong pull toward something else.

And I couldn’t shake the thought: If I don’t take the time to explore it now, this opportunity may not come again.

Some moments, I feel like I’m on the edge of something extraordinary—like I’m about to find the thing I was put here to do. That I’ll write a book and sell millions of copies. That I’ll do a TED Talk one day. The dreams are big. Those moments are the best.

But just as often, I’m terrified. Terrified of not getting a paycheck every two weeks. Terrified that I won’t be able to make sense of the chaos in my brain about what’s next. Terrified that I’m the one responsible for making those big dreams happen. Terrified that anything less than those dreams will feel like failure.

Fear is powerful, isn’t it?

A friend once told me that there’s a fine line between courage and stupidity, and the magic happens when you ride it.

How I feel about this whole thing shifts constantly. One moment, I’m confident. The next, I feel like I’m teetering too close to the wrong side of that line.

But one thing consulting taught me is that it’s supposed to feel chaotic in the beginning. Every six months to two years, you learn a new business with new stakeholders, and your job is to help them solve their greatest challenges. In those first few weeks, you don’t try to fix anything. You absorb. You observe. You trust that, in time, the puzzle will start to make sense. Drinking from the fire hose—I know how to do that. And I know that if I keep moving, keep asking the next question, keep uncovering the right pieces, my path will reveal itself.

So my commitment to myself is simple: Stay in it. Stretch my courage beyond what’s comfortable. Hold out for the magic that may happen - and stay open to whatever form that magic takes.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the incredible executive coach who helped me navigate this entire journey, reminding me to trust the process even when the path wasn’t clear. I could not recommend her highly enough - https://www.possibilitiesunlimited.org/career-coach-amy