The Change in Goodbye

The day is here. I’m sitting in the Atlanta airport on what is the first leg of my journey. I usually use dead airport time to catch up on Facebook or sleep. I’m typically the one plugged into my music minding my own business, but today I’m drawn to what’s going on around me. The movement; the interactions. I watch the man in a suit awkwardly run down the terminal half bouncing, half dragging his suitcase behind him, the young couple laughing and holding hands, the family of 7 with dad being the obvious pack mule. I can’t help but laugh a little at that as I’m sure my dad at some point knew this man’s pain. I watch, and I try to wrap my mind around all of the change happening. The airport is probably one of the most obvious, literal representations of change. Whether it’s for just a weekend, or a week, or maybe something longer, every person that walks by is in the process of some sort of change. Change. It’s the one thing we can always count on, and perhaps one of the most challenging things to let happen without resistance. Some change is easy, welcomed even: a vacation, a new job. But there’s also the change that is hard. The kind that brings tears and makes you question the decisions you’ve made. It makes you reflect on the times of the past, and gives you this burning desire to just hang on to everything comfortable. If there is one thing I’ve come to realize over the past two weeks, it is that the hardest kind of change is goodbye.

There have been too many goodbyes in the past few days. Each a little different; none of them easy. Something I've found they all have in common though is a hug, tears, and mental replay of the good times shared. This was once described to me as being a highlight reel, and I like that description. It’s a montage of the everyday things that now bring a smile. Looking back on the past 8 years in Fayetteville, I’m so blessed in the fact that my highlight reels could fill an entire day of ESPN airtime. I am leaving with so many wonderful relationships and memories, but I am leaving a lot. I’m leaving a job that afforded me an amazing first foot forward in my career with a team of co-workers who made my work life entertaining. “Everyone is responsible for doing a good job and not being an idiot.” :) I’m leaving a gym that redefined my idea of health and fitness, made me an athlete, and became my family. I’m leaving a man who manages to steal my heart every time this life gives us the opportunity to be together, who makes me laugh before I have the chance to be mad, and who is my biggest supporter in pretty much everything I do. Someone would be crazy to say goodbye to all of that right?  After today, I’m not convinced I’m not, but the one comforting thing about change is that the true friendships, the true relationships are strong enough to withstand it. Things that are meant to be are resilient in the test against time. It is comforting to know that so much of what I left in Arkansas is timeless and that for those relationships, goodbye is not goodbye but see you later.

For now though, I’m the girl in the airport who is hiding her tears with sunglasses, reminiscing on so many good times, and trying desperately to embrace the change.

To everyone who has a highlight in my Fayetteville reel, thank you. I’ll see you again soon.