Packing

Packing... It was as hard as I imagined it would be if not harder. To be honest, I'm not sure I've ever felt more high maintenance. I all of a sudden had an emotional attachment to articles of clothing, or maybe the thought of being over there and not having the exact thing I needed scared me. My first attempt ended in at least a quarter of my stuff not even fitting in the backpack. Items that I had deemed necessities laying outside of the already busting zippers. So I unpack. Reassess. Start again by choosing the things I absolutely can not live without. I think I parted with three items. Repack. No go. This process of unpacking, purging, and repacking went on four or five times until I could finally get the bag zipped. Never once through all of this did it cross my mind that I would actually be carrying this across Europe. Forty-seven pounds on your shoulders will make your arms go numb in about 10 minutes. Not feasible. Process repeat. Here's the list of items that made the final cut:

2 pairs of jeans

3 pairs of shorts

1 skirt

2 dresses

6 shirts

1 leather jacket

1 black cardigan

5 sets of gym clothes

1 pair of sleep shorts

2 bathing suits

2 pair of sandals

1 pair of black flats

1 pair of tan flats

Nanos

Lifting shoes (most inefficient pair of shoes to pack ever)

Rope, wrist wraps, and grips

Hair straightener 

Aside from a phone, iPad, a few toiletry items, and a journal, that's about it.  As painful as this process was, it was the first time that everything really sunk in for me. Those 60 items are what I have for the longevity of my trip. Gone are the days of changing clothes three times a day. I'm sure there will be things I didn't need, things I use all of the time, and things I wish I would have packed, but I guess that's the fun it all. I've only been here three days, and I'm already learning to think out of the box when it comes to clothes. Mix-and-match. Rewear. I've got this. Although, it definitely helps that I never really see the same person more than two days in a row. If it doesn't smell dirty and doesn't look dirty, is it actually dirty :)

Mississippi

"To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi" - William Faulkner

I was reminded of this quote a few months ago; and in the light of the journey I am now on, it made me stop and think. If anyone asks me where I'm from, I always proudly reply "the Mississippi Gulf Coast". After some time thinking on what this quote means to me, I've come to realize that Mississippi is more than where I'm from; it is in large part who I am. I've lived outside of Mississippi for almost 10 years now, but it takes no more than a few days for me to be reminded of why this place is so special. In Mississippi, quality of life is measured in relationships and time spent with loved ones. Success is measured in hard work and perseverance. In Mississippi, Sunday lunches are eaten together in the house that was built entirely by the hands of family. Crawfish and crabs are thrown on one table, and everyone is welcome. In Mississippi, communities are rebuilt through a common understanding and kindness. Family and friends gather just to enjoy each other's company, sit on the back porch, and maybe drink a glass of sweet tea. Life feels a tad bit slower. In Mississippi, what you see is what you get. We are who we are. Life is simple, but in that, there is pride. There is happiness.

                          

                               

Over the past few weeks, I've had numerous people ask the reason for my trip. Am I looking to find myself? Am I looking for happiness? Soul searching? The truth is that  I'm honestly not looking or searching for anything. I understand that none of those things can be found out in world. I understand that the places I go or things I do don't change who I am. I understand that happiness doesn't come in a box, or a check, or a plane. Happiness isn't material. It is a decision, a perspective. It is simple. I understand that happiness comes from gratefulness and not the other way around.  I understand Mississippi. So now as I travel, I get to appreciate all of the beauty this world has to offer and do it without expecting anything in return. My happiness is found. I want to learn, grow, experience, become. I want to, at the end of my years, be able to look back and simply say "I lived"

One Republic - I Lived

It's real life now. Next post will be about my Adventures in Greece. Stay tuned.

The Change in Goodbye

The day is here. I’m sitting in the Atlanta airport on what is the first leg of my journey. I usually use dead airport time to catch up on Facebook or sleep. I’m typically the one plugged into my music minding my own business, but today I’m drawn to what’s going on around me. The movement; the interactions. I watch the man in a suit awkwardly run down the terminal half bouncing, half dragging his suitcase behind him, the young couple laughing and holding hands, the family of 7 with dad being the obvious pack mule. I can’t help but laugh a little at that as I’m sure my dad at some point knew this man’s pain. I watch, and I try to wrap my mind around all of the change happening. The airport is probably one of the most obvious, literal representations of change. Whether it’s for just a weekend, or a week, or maybe something longer, every person that walks by is in the process of some sort of change. Change. It’s the one thing we can always count on, and perhaps one of the most challenging things to let happen without resistance. Some change is easy, welcomed even: a vacation, a new job. But there’s also the change that is hard. The kind that brings tears and makes you question the decisions you’ve made. It makes you reflect on the times of the past, and gives you this burning desire to just hang on to everything comfortable. If there is one thing I’ve come to realize over the past two weeks, it is that the hardest kind of change is goodbye.

There have been too many goodbyes in the past few days. Each a little different; none of them easy. Something I've found they all have in common though is a hug, tears, and mental replay of the good times shared. This was once described to me as being a highlight reel, and I like that description. It’s a montage of the everyday things that now bring a smile. Looking back on the past 8 years in Fayetteville, I’m so blessed in the fact that my highlight reels could fill an entire day of ESPN airtime. I am leaving with so many wonderful relationships and memories, but I am leaving a lot. I’m leaving a job that afforded me an amazing first foot forward in my career with a team of co-workers who made my work life entertaining. “Everyone is responsible for doing a good job and not being an idiot.” :) I’m leaving a gym that redefined my idea of health and fitness, made me an athlete, and became my family. I’m leaving a man who manages to steal my heart every time this life gives us the opportunity to be together, who makes me laugh before I have the chance to be mad, and who is my biggest supporter in pretty much everything I do. Someone would be crazy to say goodbye to all of that right?  After today, I’m not convinced I’m not, but the one comforting thing about change is that the true friendships, the true relationships are strong enough to withstand it. Things that are meant to be are resilient in the test against time. It is comforting to know that so much of what I left in Arkansas is timeless and that for those relationships, goodbye is not goodbye but see you later.

For now though, I’m the girl in the airport who is hiding her tears with sunglasses, reminiscing on so many good times, and trying desperately to embrace the change.

To everyone who has a highlight in my Fayetteville reel, thank you. I’ll see you again soon.